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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
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♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
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♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
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♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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♪ darling, I love you ♪
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♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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♪ the chores ♪
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♪ the stores ♪
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♪ fresh air ♪
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♪ times square ♪
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♪ you are my wife ♪
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♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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Both: ♪ green acres,
We are there ♪
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Order, order. Ladies,
Please come to order.
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This is your
Chairwoman speaking.
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This is the meeting
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Of the third tuesday
Of every month
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Culture committee
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Of the every other
Wednesday afternoon
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Discussion club.
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Now, is there any old
Culture to discuss?
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No?
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Well, then let's get on
With the new culture.
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00:01:46,557 --> 00:01:47,922
Point of order.
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Madam chairwoman,
Before we move on
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To new culture,
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Parliamentary procedure dictates
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That minutes of the
Last meeting be read,
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Discussed, and approved.
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00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,799
Oh, who can do that?
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00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:01,102
The committee
Secretary, miss monroe.
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00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:03,338
Oh, well, I'll get her.
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00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,910
Ralph.
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00:02:08,978 --> 00:02:10,178
Howdy doody.
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00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:12,046
Could we have you
For the minutes?
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00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:13,426
Permission to leave the job?
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00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:16,017
Mr. Douglas will
Have a temper tantrum.
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Protect yourself.
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00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,402
How'd you get so tall, eb?
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00:02:22,426 --> 00:02:23,925
Well, horace,
When I was your age,
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I used to stand on my toes.
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00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:26,861
You mean like this?
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That's it, emory.
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Oliver: eb!
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Eb!
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00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,966
Uh-oh. Here comes my boss.
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00:02:33,136 --> 00:02:34,736
Eb, you're supposed
To be working.
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00:02:34,804 --> 00:02:36,971
Are you going to hit him again?
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00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,306
What?
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00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,586
He told us when he don't work,
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You beat him with
A baseball bat.
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Or an axe handle.
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00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:48,250
Eb, have I every
Touched you in my life?
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No, sir.
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Then why do you go around
Telling these wild tales?
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It gives me status.
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Who are these boys here?
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00:02:55,859 --> 00:02:57,024
That's emory durkin,
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And that's horace milford.
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How are you, boys?
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00:02:59,730 --> 00:03:01,341
Mrs. Douglas told me
To take care of the kids
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00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:02,709
During the committee meeting.
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00:03:02,733 --> 00:03:05,032
They're talking about culture.
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00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,746
You know what culture is?
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00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,002
Well, it's...
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00:03:08,071 --> 00:03:10,049
That's right. It's when
You wash your hands
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Before you eat supper.
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Uh, look, eb,
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I'm not paying you to baby-sit.
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What's that?
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00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,050
I'm pig-sitting, too.
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Arnold?
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00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:26,366
Miss ziffel's giving
Me a quarter an hour.
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00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:27,634
Unless he has to sing to him.
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00:03:27,658 --> 00:03:30,124
Then he gets 35.
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00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:32,126
Well, they'll just have
To get somebody else
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To do their baby-sitting.
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Lisa, banging gavel:
Please come to order.
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I wouldn't go in there
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Without a chair and a whip.
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00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:40,435
I'm not afraid of anyb...
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00:03:40,504 --> 00:03:41,936
Oh, of all the...
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00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:44,984
Careful. We're minors.
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I know.
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00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,977
Boy, has he got a temper.
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00:03:53,883 --> 00:03:56,262
I thought you were
Going to fix this.
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00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:57,619
I'm working on it.
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00:03:57,688 --> 00:03:58,831
What do you think you're doing?
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I think I'm watching television.
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00:04:00,924 --> 00:04:03,224
You're not being paid
To watch television.
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00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:04,959
Watch it. I'm armed.
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00:04:05,028 --> 00:04:06,105
Where's your sister?
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00:04:06,129 --> 00:04:07,061
Which one?
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00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:08,062
How many do you have?
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00:04:08,131 --> 00:04:08,996
Just one.
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00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:10,865
Then why...
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00:04:10,934 --> 00:04:11,944
Where is she?
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00:04:11,968 --> 00:04:12,900
Reading the minutes
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Of the last culture
Committee meeting.
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00:04:14,103 --> 00:04:16,503
She's supposed to be working.
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00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,474
Ooh!
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00:04:19,543 --> 00:04:21,509
Howdy doody, mr. Douglas.
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00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:23,077
You got a cold?
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00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:24,757
No. When you opened
The door, you...
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00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:26,581
Alf, are you
Wearing my overalls?
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00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:29,351
What shade of lipstick you use?
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00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:30,352
Peach.
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00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,455
No. Mmm. These are mine.
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00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,057
Oh, come on, alf. I left
My notebook in the pocket.
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00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,437
I got to take the
Notes of the meeting.
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00:04:37,461 --> 00:04:39,405
You're not supposed
To be taking...
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00:04:39,429 --> 00:04:40,862
You're sweet.
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00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:41,863
Did you find it?
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00:04:41,931 --> 00:04:43,142
No. The only thing
In the pockets
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00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:45,099
Are your compact, your
Comb, and your cigars.
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Those aren't mine.
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00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,635
They're not mine. I must...
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00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,504
Oh, they must be mom's.
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00:04:49,573 --> 00:04:51,317
I don't care whose they are.
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00:04:51,341 --> 00:04:52,518
I want you two to get to work
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On that closet door.
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Right after the meeting.
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00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:56,644
No. Wait a... Ooh!
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Lisa.
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00:04:59,949 --> 00:05:01,229
Darling, you have a cold?
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00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:03,518
No, no. I walked into a door.
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00:05:03,587 --> 00:05:06,388
My fred's always doing
That when he's stoned.
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00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:08,890
I'm not stoned.
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00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,035
I just came to tell...
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00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,695
Mr. Douglas, you came
In at a historic moment.
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00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:15,663
Yes. The committee
Has just voted
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For the hootersville
Symphony orchestra.
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00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:20,435
Oh, that... The what?
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00:05:20,504 --> 00:05:22,837
The hootersville
Symphony orchestra.
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00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,572
It's like the boston symphony.
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00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,408
Except in hootersville.
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00:05:26,476 --> 00:05:27,942
You're all nuts.
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Oliver!
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00:05:29,145 --> 00:05:31,045
Aw, don't get mad at him.
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00:05:31,114 --> 00:05:32,958
My fred's always
Saying mean things
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00:05:32,982 --> 00:05:34,482
When he's stoned.
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00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,718
I'm not stoned.
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00:05:36,787 --> 00:05:38,230
Well, then you
Didn't have a right
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00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,954
To speak like that
About our minds.
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00:05:40,023 --> 00:05:41,923
I apologize, but it's just
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00:05:41,991 --> 00:05:43,335
When you said
Symphony orchestra,
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00:05:43,359 --> 00:05:44,992
That's 110 men.
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00:05:45,061 --> 00:05:47,429
You got to have a big
Hall. You're all nuts.
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Oliver!
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00:05:48,732 --> 00:05:50,242
Mr. Douglas, we're starved
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00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,111
For the good things in life.
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00:05:52,135 --> 00:05:53,635
Maybe you are, but I got arnold.
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00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:57,138
Mr. Douglas, we
Want all the things
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00:05:57,206 --> 00:05:58,807
That make life worthwhile...
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00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:00,241
Like music, to name a few.
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00:06:00,310 --> 00:06:01,676
Yes, but you...
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00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:03,065
Would you believe
I've never heard
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00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:06,781
Beethoven's fifth
Symphony by tchaikovsky?
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00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,170
Well, I don't think
I've heard that myself.
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00:06:09,218 --> 00:06:11,218
Well, then you could use
A symphony orchestra, too.
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00:06:11,254 --> 00:06:13,098
I guess, yeah, I could, but...
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00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,556
What kind of a
Life is it for a girl
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00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,624
Who's never danced a ballet?
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00:06:16,693 --> 00:06:17,959
Well...
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00:06:18,027 --> 00:06:19,867
Ask me to sing a snatch
From madame butterfly
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And see what happens.
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Well, I hadn't intended to,
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00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:23,242
But now that you mention it...
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It wouldn't do you any
Good. I don't know it.
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00:06:25,335 --> 00:06:27,068
That's the point.
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00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,348
Look, there's nothing
Wrong with trying to build up
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00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:31,183
The cultural
Climate of the town,
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00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:33,775
But you're all off your rockers.
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Oliver!
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00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,578
Well, no, I didn't mean...
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00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,057
All right, if you
Think you can do it,
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00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:39,213
Go ahead and try it.
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00:06:39,282 --> 00:06:40,815
We can do it.
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00:06:40,884 --> 00:06:42,995
And if you do, I'll
Buy the first ticket
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00:06:43,019 --> 00:06:43,952
To the first concert.
186
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:45,498
That will be a thousand dollars.
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00:06:45,522 --> 00:06:48,756
I'll give you 5.
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00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,358
Don't worry, ladies.
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00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:52,393
If he plays my cards right,
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00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:54,061
I'll get the rest of it.
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00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:56,498
Now, shall we adjourn
For some refreshments?
192
00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:59,133
Oh, yeah. I'm starved
To death, mrs. Douglas.
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00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,984
Do you know how
Many musicians you need
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00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,018
For a symphony orchestra?
195
00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:07,742
At least a hundred and ten.
196
00:07:07,811 --> 00:07:09,922
There aren't that many
People in hooterville.
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00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:11,078
Well?
198
00:07:11,147 --> 00:07:12,424
Well, where are you
Going to get them?
199
00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:14,749
Didn't you ever
Hear of wetbacks?
200
00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:18,464
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
201
00:07:18,488 --> 00:07:22,156
Yeah. Smuggle in a couple
Of damp oboe players.
202
00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:23,558
Who made the cake?
203
00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:25,126
How do you know that I didn't?
204
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:26,895
It's so good.
205
00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:29,030
Why couldn't I make a good cake?
206
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:30,910
I don't know. Why couldn't you?
207
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,901
You're not making any friends.
208
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:33,902
I was just joking.
209
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:34,970
Help me with the dishes.
210
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:36,048
What do you want me to do?
211
00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:37,772
Open the door.
212
00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:47,281
Close the door.
213
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,954
Lisa, that's no way to...
214
00:07:53,023 --> 00:07:55,034
Darling, why do we
Need so many musicians
215
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,758
For a symphony orchestra?
216
00:07:56,826 --> 00:07:57,759
Well, you have to...
217
00:07:57,827 --> 00:07:59,539
Well, all there are are wiolins,
218
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,395
Wiolas, and bass wiolas.
219
00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,565
You're forgetting the voodvinds.
220
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:05,266
No, I wasn't.
221
00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:08,302
And then there is the
Kerpussion instruments.
222
00:08:08,371 --> 00:08:09,303
The what?
223
00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:10,482
Well, you know, when
You hit everything
224
00:08:10,506 --> 00:08:12,306
With the sticks... Boom boom.
225
00:08:12,375 --> 00:08:13,307
Kerpussion instruments.
226
00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:15,009
Oh, that's what they are?
227
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:16,689
I wondered what that
Was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
228
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,290
Excuse me. Oh!
229
00:08:18,314 --> 00:08:19,447
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
230
00:08:19,515 --> 00:08:20,748
That smarts.
231
00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:21,749
Wait. Hold it, hold it.
232
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:22,750
What's the matter?
233
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:23,863
Not out the back door.
234
00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:25,620
Oh, no, no. These go
Into the dishwasher.
235
00:08:25,689 --> 00:08:28,022
Oh? Why did you dump the others?
236
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,558
What have you got against
A symphony orchestra?
237
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:31,559
Nothing.
238
00:08:31,628 --> 00:08:32,905
Well, then, to
Answer your question,
239
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,896
I dumped the others
Out because I didn't know
240
00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:36,564
That the dishwasher was empty.
241
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:39,533
Oh.
242
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,703
Now will you answer my question?
243
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,038
I forgot what it was.
244
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,473
Well, I haven't.
245
00:08:45,541 --> 00:08:48,009
Why don't you want a
Symphony orchestra?
246
00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:50,645
It doesn't fit hooterville.
247
00:08:50,714 --> 00:08:52,758
Hooterville's the
Kind of a small town
248
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,282
That should have
Concerts in the park.
249
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:57,785
What is that?
250
00:08:57,854 --> 00:09:00,187
Concert? You don't...
251
00:09:00,256 --> 00:09:02,790
Oh. Come here.
252
00:09:05,261 --> 00:09:06,360
You know, in the old days,
253
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:09,463
Every small town had
A bandstand and a band,
254
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:11,599
And on sunday, all the fellas
255
00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:13,067
Would take their
Best girls there,
256
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,736
And they'd listen
To the concert.
257
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,048
Well, why didn't you take me?
258
00:09:16,072 --> 00:09:18,405
Well, that was in the 1890s.
259
00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,308
Oh, you went by yourself.
260
00:09:22,578 --> 00:09:24,411
Anyway, those must
Have been wonderful days,
261
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,015
With a charm and a
Simplicity all their own.
262
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:31,119
Can you imagine sunday
Afternoon in the park?
263
00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:56,645
What did you...
264
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,246
Please. My mother
Is very strict.
265
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,350
Isn't the music pretty?
266
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:07,221
Yes. Who are they,
The beach boys?
267
00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:09,957
Lisa, you're
Spoiling everything.
268
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:10,958
Why?
269
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,526
We're imagining this,
270
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:13,527
And you're talking about a group
271
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,107
That won't be here
For a hundred years.
272
00:10:15,131 --> 00:10:16,508
Well, as long as
You're imagining things,
273
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,464
Couldn't you have imagined me
274
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,744
In a more expensive dress?
275
00:10:18,768 --> 00:10:21,235
I imagined you in the most
Expensive dress in town.
276
00:10:21,304 --> 00:10:23,549
Or in a better
Town, like new york?
277
00:10:23,573 --> 00:10:25,017
Look, lisa, if you don't
Want to imagine this,
278
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,775
It's ok with me.
279
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:30,712
I'm sorry, irving.
280
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,013
Irving?
281
00:10:32,082 --> 00:10:33,625
You imagined me in this dress.
282
00:10:33,649 --> 00:10:35,616
I imagined you're an irving.
283
00:10:35,685 --> 00:10:37,819
I'm an oliver.
284
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,331
Couldn't you change your name?
285
00:10:39,355 --> 00:10:40,988
What for?
286
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,977
My mother is very strict.
287
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,393
Ah, I see a hot dog stand.
288
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:48,074
Are you hungry? No.
289
00:10:48,098 --> 00:10:49,341
Thirsty? No.
290
00:10:49,365 --> 00:10:50,297
What are you?
291
00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:51,866
Sorry I came.
292
00:10:51,935 --> 00:10:55,136
Oh, you're not
Having a good time?
293
00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:57,571
Mmm, sort of.
294
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,141
What would you rather do?
295
00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:04,578
My mother is very strict.
296
00:11:04,647 --> 00:11:06,814
I didn't say she wasn't.
297
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:09,083
Then why do you want to kiss me?
298
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:12,286
I didn't say I wanted
To kiss you, but...
299
00:11:21,064 --> 00:11:24,198
There aren't any
Flies on you, harry.
300
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,699
Harry?
301
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:28,936
You don't kiss like an irving.
302
00:11:29,005 --> 00:11:31,305
Would you like to dance?
303
00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:32,774
With whom?
304
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:34,809
With me.
305
00:11:34,878 --> 00:11:37,245
You go ahead. I'll watch.
306
00:11:37,313 --> 00:11:39,446
And waste all that good music?
307
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,315
What good music?
308
00:11:41,384 --> 00:11:42,817
The band, you...
309
00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:50,992
Those were the good old days.
310
00:11:51,060 --> 00:11:53,060
Well, if you liked them so much,
311
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,663
Why didn't you stay there?
312
00:11:55,731 --> 00:11:57,198
How could we?
313
00:11:57,267 --> 00:11:59,033
We just imagined what happened.
314
00:11:59,102 --> 00:12:00,646
One thing I liked about them.
315
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:02,136
What?
316
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,638
The way you kissed
Me behind my parasol.
317
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,174
Oh?
318
00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:08,776
You liked that, huh?
319
00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:12,780
Please. My mother
Is still very strict.
320
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,985
What are you looking for?
321
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,375
A phone number.
322
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,376
Whose?
323
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,811
If I told you,
You'd only get mad.
324
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,246
No, I won't get
Mad. Whose number?
325
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:30,782
Poopsie.
326
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:31,894
Who?
327
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,718
I told you you'd get mad.
328
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,631
I don't know any poopsie.
329
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,455
Sir geoffrey wingate.
330
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,556
Here it is.
331
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,157
I don't remember him.
332
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,837
Don't you remember
The fight we had
333
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,606
On our honeymoon in monte carlo?
334
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,662
About what?
335
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:45,808
About sir geoffrey.
336
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,643
You said he was
Making eyes at me.
337
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,134
Oh, that no-good...
338
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,402
You're still jealous.
339
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,237
No, I'm not.
340
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,039
What are you calling him for?
341
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,147
Well, he's in the
Symphony business.
342
00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,778
Oh, yeah, yeah. So
He said... Conductor.
343
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,413
You're still jealous.
344
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,081
He's a phony.
345
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,683
No, he isn't.
346
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:06,995
Do you know that
He is the only man
347
00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,354
Who conducted the
Budapest symphony orchestra
348
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,656
In original hungarian?
349
00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:13,391
Big deal.
350
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,438
Well, anyway, that
Night in monte carlo,
351
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,528
Poopsie and I had a long talk.
352
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:18,763
Where was I?
353
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,931
Well, you were at
The baccarat table
354
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,478
Losing 49 million francs.
355
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,434
What?
356
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,747
All of our household money.
357
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,003
I didn't play baccarat.
358
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,717
Well, then you were
Losing at the roulette.
359
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,273
I didn't play roulette.
360
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,619
Well, you were somewhere.
361
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,676
I went to the...
362
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,322
That's when we
Had our long talk.
363
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,946
I went to the bar and
Got you some champagne.
364
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,915
I wasn't gone 2 minutes.
365
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,385
Anyway, that night,
Poopsie and I had a long talk,
366
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,930
And he said if I ever wanted
367
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:42,965
To form a symphony orchestra,
368
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:43,921
I should call him.
369
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,257
Oh, I'll just bet he did.
370
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,793
He did, so I will.
371
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:51,095
Ah, here it is.
372
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,902
Hello. Sir geoffrey here.
373
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,570
Hello, poopsie.
374
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,806
Poopsie? I say, who is this?
375
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,307
This is lisa.
376
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,608
Oh, lisa. Well, look,
377
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,422
I'm dreadfully sorry
To hear about last night,
378
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,579
But, you see, I
Got tied up with a...
379
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,859
No, no, no. This isn't
Lisa from last night.
380
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,551
This is lisa douglas
From monte carlo.
381
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,752
Monte c...
382
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:49,987
Oh, yes, with the
Stuffy husband.
383
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,423
Yes, well, I knew
That would never last.
384
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,425
Why don't you pop
Up here, and we'll...
385
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:57,528
No. Oliver is still
My stuffy husband.
386
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,363
Oh. Well, you must have
387
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,098
Some other reason
For calling me.
388
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,647
Yes. You see, poopsie,
We moved to the country,
389
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,770
To a small town
Called hootersville.
390
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:06,771
Hooters...
391
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,639
I'll send you the direction.
392
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:09,752
And we would like you to help us
393
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,009
To form a symphony orchestra.
394
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,612
You still do that kind
Of work, don't you?
395
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,280
Well, I...
396
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,160
Will next wednesday
Be all right?
397
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,384
Wednesday? I think...
398
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,286
Fine. See you then.
399
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,421
Good-bye, poopsie.
400
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,957
Good-bye.
401
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:29,159
Hootersville? Must be
Some kind of artist's colony.
402
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,829
As I remember, lisa
Was quite social.
403
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,932
Yes, she must have a lot
Of very fashionable friends.
404
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:39,036
I'm pleased to meet
You, your highness.
405
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,605
Whoa, easy.
406
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,807
Oh, I'm sorry, your highness.
407
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,152
Uh, no, not your highness.
408
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:45,442
I'm just a knight.
409
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,022
Oh, your knightship.
410
00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:48,591
No, they don't call us...
411
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,014
This is ralph.
412
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,827
Sir geoffrey, one of
The monroe brothers.
413
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,171
How do you do, my good man?
414
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,464
I say, you're a girl.
415
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,287
Ooh, I like him.
416
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,223
And then this is
Eb, our hired hand.
417
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,435
How do you do?
418
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,326
My pleasure, your sirship.
419
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,473
No, I'm not a sirship.
420
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,331
And, sir geoffrey, you
Remember my stuffy husband.
421
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,520
Of course. Yes. How
Are you, old chap?
422
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:12,882
Look, I'm rather
Anxious to get settled,
423
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,449
So if you'd just let me know
424
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,885
Where I'll be staying...
425
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,620
Well, everybody wanted
You to stay with them,
426
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,076
So we drew straws,
427
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,445
And you're going to stay
With mr. And mrs. Ziffel.
428
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,158
Yeah. We're giving
You arnold's room.
429
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:24,560
Oh, well, I don't want
430
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,128
To inconvenience
The little tyke.
431
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,152
He probably...
432
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,156
Uh, he looks like, um...
433
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:35,159
Don't say it. He's
Very sensitive.
434
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:38,262
Yes. He thinks he's
The ziffel's son.
435
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,109
Well...
436
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,300
When do we get together
And start playing?
437
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,602
Musically, that is.
438
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:45,714
The sooner the better.
439
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,683
They're going to let
Us use the high school.
440
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,018
Oh, good. Well, then,
441
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,786
If you'll just round
Up all the talent...
442
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,376
Uh, sir geoffrey,
443
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,812
I wonder if I could speak
To you for a moment.
444
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,025
Oh, certainly.
445
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,760
Poopsie, we're going to
Look after your suitcases.
446
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:58,950
Come along, ralph.
447
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,486
Uh, I thought you and I
Ought to have a little talk.
448
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:05,089
Mr. Douglas, that whole
Incident in monte carlo
449
00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:06,591
Was a misunderstanding.
450
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:07,770
I didn't know it was
Your wife when I...
451
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:10,895
No. When you what?
452
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,775
Well, you see, I mistook her...
453
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,543
Well, you know how things are.
454
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,200
You're wasting your time.
455
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:18,469
Why don't you catch the
Next train back to new york?
456
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,616
Yes, you do carry
A grudge, don't you?
457
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,840
No, no, no. I'm not talking...
458
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,374
I'm talking about this
Symphony that you came...
459
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:25,375
You see, hooterville...
460
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:26,855
Mr. Douglas, I can assure you
461
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,913
That I'm not easily discouraged.
462
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,158
I've founded orchestras
463
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,116
In much worse places than this.
464
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:33,618
Well, not much worse,
465
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,353
But I'm not the man to
Run away from a challenge.
466
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,133
If there's the slightest spark
467
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:39,389
In a community,
468
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,098
I can fan it into a flame.
469
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,193
Well, that's good,
Because all these musicians
470
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,195
Belong to the volunteer
Fire department.
471
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,764
Please.
472
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,033
Well, as they say,
473
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,102
You're the conductor, poopsie.
474
00:17:58,811 --> 00:17:59,888
Come on, mr. Douglas,
475
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,490
We're going to be late
For sir's rehearsal.
476
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:02,879
Oh, no, I'm not going.
477
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:04,982
You're going.
478
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,850
No, I'm not.
479
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,586
You're a sorehead.
480
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,988
Just because he won
The duel in monte carlo.
481
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:14,592
You mean mr. Douglas
And sir fought a duel?
482
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,528
Eb, cut it out. Lisa,
Will you stop that?
483
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,029
She's making that up.
484
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:22,199
Darling, please go
To the rehearsal.
485
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,135
It'll be a shambles.
486
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,570
When that poor man hears
That fire department band
487
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,049
Play the only piece they know,
488
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,985
there's a hot time in
The old town tonight,
489
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,753
He's liable to
Break down and cry,
490
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,288
And I couldn't stand that.
491
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:35,312
Well, are you
Going, or aren't you?
492
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:36,447
It's no use.
493
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,517
They don't use guitars
In a symphony orchestra.
494
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:41,252
Well, tell him that your wife
495
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,486
Is the head of the committee,
496
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,388
And that I said
It was all right.
497
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,756
Now go.
498
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,791
Where do you want
Me to sit, sir geoffrey?
499
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,471
Oh, you play the cymbals, huh?
500
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:50,661
Yes, sir.
501
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,698
My dear young lady,
That wasn't necessary.
502
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,478
I thought you might
Like an audition.
503
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:58,569
Yes, well, you go over and sit
504
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,304
In the percussion section.
505
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,073
I suppose I sit in the
String section, hmm?
506
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,020
My dear mr. Douglas,
There is no place
507
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,545
For a guitar in a
Symphony orchestra.
508
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,246
Sir geoffrey,
509
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,715
My wife is the head
Of the committee,
510
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,717
And she says I can
Play in the orchestra.
511
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:14,818
My dear fellow,
512
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,532
If there's one thing
I cannot tolerate,
513
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,921
It is nepotism.
514
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,334
You want me to belt him?
515
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:20,591
Oh, no, no. No.
516
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,137
He ain't got no right
To that kind of language
517
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,328
Even if he is a sir.
518
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,763
Eb, that's not a bad word.
519
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,899
Sounded like one to me.
520
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,379
Yes, all right, mr. Douglas,
521
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,369
You can go and sit
In the string section.
522
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,982
Thank you. Now,
What is your name?
523
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,006
Sam drucker.
524
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,006
Oh, that's...
525
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,140
I run the general store.
526
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,141
That's fine.
527
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,910
If you ever need
Any canned goods...
528
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:40,989
Well, I don't...
529
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,713
We also carry a complete line
530
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,648
Of english toffee, english tea,
531
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,049
Biscuits, and cricket bats.
532
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,663
Oh, did you say cricket bats?
533
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,920
Yeah. Well, they're
Really fly swatters,
534
00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:52,623
But you can use them
For batting crickets.
535
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,025
You wouldn't listen to me.
536
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:56,960
Well, now, mister...
537
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,230
Drucker, of drucker's
General store.
538
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:01,832
In addition to canned
Goods, we also carry...
539
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,078
Yes, well, please, mr. Drucker,
540
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,713
Will you sit down here, please?
541
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,504
Thank you. Now, as soon
As the others arrive...
542
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:08,693
What others?
543
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:12,142
You mean, this is all?
544
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,279
Well, it doesn't matter,
545
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,381
Because all you gentlemen
546
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,183
And, um, you...
547
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,821
Will be the nucleus
Of the orchestra.
548
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,391
Don't be discouraged
At your size.
549
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,326
You will grow. When I organized
550
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,306
The long island
Sanitation department
551
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,529
Symphony orchestra,
552
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,675
All I had to start with
553
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,199
Was a couple of garbagemen
And a truck driver,
554
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,301
So I must...
555
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,002
Sorry to be late.
556
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,704
My name is haney.
557
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,039
Oh, I'm sir geoffrey.
Pleased to meet you.
558
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:44,119
Why?
559
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,143
Well, I...
560
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,878
How are you fixed
For waving sticks?
561
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,012
Waving stick?
562
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,213
Baton.
563
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,182
Oh, I have one.
564
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,062
Get ready to buy a new one.
565
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:58,722
Oh, still using the
Old wooden shaft.
566
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,057
Ain't that terrible,
Mr. Douglas?
567
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:03,394
Deplorable.
568
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:06,196
Hate to see a famous
Conductor like you
569
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,198
Use an old fashioned...
570
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,678
Wait a second.
571
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,769
I think I can help you.
572
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:14,271
Yes, I guess I can.
573
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:15,584
Would you be interested
574
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,874
In a matched set of sticks?
575
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,344
Well, I...
576
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:21,945
Steel shaft.
577
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,781
All personally autographed
578
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,316
By shep fields.
579
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,083
Oh, boy.
580
00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:30,020
Guaranteed to take 3 strokes
581
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:31,988
Off of any concerto.
582
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,359
Well, I really don't...
583
00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:37,328
And in honor of british
Brotherhood week,
584
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:40,631
I can let you have
The complete set
585
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,334
For six pence thruppence.
586
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,402
Six pence thruppence?
587
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,937
$18.
588
00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:48,806
Sold.
589
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:51,208
Well... Yes, well, mr. Haney,
590
00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:52,609
Please, if you'll just sit down,
591
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:54,345
We'll discuss this later.
592
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,280
Now, you'll notice the music
593
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:59,015
Is already on your stands.
594
00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,185
All I got is some paper
With black spots on it.
595
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:04,388
Eb, those are notes.
596
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,289
They are?
597
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,592
What are we supposed to
Do with them, mr. Douglas?
598
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,271
You're supposed to play 'em.
599
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:11,995
See that one?
600
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:18,535
Will you move back further?
601
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,014
Now, please, please.
602
00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:23,106
We're going to start with
A very simple little piece,
603
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,708
Brahms' lullaby.
604
00:22:24,777 --> 00:22:26,142
Who wrote it?
605
00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:27,878
Well, um...
606
00:22:27,946 --> 00:22:30,614
You should've taken
The train when I told you.
607
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,803
Oh, now, please. Let's try it.
608
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,818
Brahms' lullaby.
609
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,633
Oh, stop! Hold it, hold it.
610
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,769
May I ask what you were playing?
611
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:53,804
Well, what was you conducting?
612
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,739
Brahms' lullaby.
613
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,442
Then that's what we was playing.
614
00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:01,745
That was not brahms' lullaby.
615
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:03,958
Well, it's as close as
You're going to get to it.
616
00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:06,249
Look, is there anyone here
617
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:07,529
Who can read music?
618
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,420
Oh, I can.
619
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:10,599
Well, then, my dear,
620
00:23:10,623 --> 00:23:12,543
Would you mind humming
It for the others?
621
00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:25,168
Fine. Now let's all
Hum it together.
622
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:33,109
Capital, capital, capital.
623
00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:36,313
Now let's all play that.
624
00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:56,333
Oliver, why did you do
That to sir geoffrey?
625
00:23:56,401 --> 00:23:57,835
Are you still jealous?
626
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,970
Oh, no.
627
00:24:00,038 --> 00:24:02,840
I tried to warn him
About the orchestra, but...
628
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:04,575
Did he get on the
Train all right?
629
00:24:04,643 --> 00:24:05,709
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
630
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:06,977
You're sure?
631
00:24:07,045 --> 00:24:09,145
I helped carry him on.
632
00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:12,315
Now we'll never have
A symphony orchestra.
633
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:14,128
Oh, that's all right.
Maybe we can revive
634
00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,653
The band concert
Idea in the park.
635
00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:19,322
Will I have to wear
The same kind of dress?
636
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:20,491
Oh, no.
637
00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:22,459
Just a minute, irving.
638
00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:23,861
What do you think you're doing?
639
00:24:23,929 --> 00:24:26,363
I'm putting the light out.
640
00:24:26,431 --> 00:24:28,098
I'll have to call my mother.
641
00:24:28,166 --> 00:24:29,099
What for?
642
00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:30,834
She's very strict.
643
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:34,638
Oh, will you go to sleep?
644
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:45,048
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645
00:24:45,117 --> 00:24:48,237
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